Quick Post Friday

Phone conversation. Mom at work. Custody status: HIS
Daughter: I went through your mail. I didn't want you to think you had anthrax.
ME: HUH?
D: I opened your mailbox, opened the interesting mail, then put it all back in your mailbox. I didn't want you to get the mail tonight and think you had terrorists or anthrax or something.

OK so it was too much to ask for her to walk the 30 feet up the driveway and put the mail in the house?! (The same key that opens Ex's house opens mine....just another twisted factoid....)

Still Keeping Up With the Jones..

Remember the story of the Determined Lawn Girl? Well, I have gotten used to mowing the lawn, and yes, I still find it fun. And great exercise. And I can do the whole front in minutes flat (God Bless my chemlawn man who told me not to bag and to let the grass clippings send nutrients back to my lawn. ILY lawnman). AND I am happy to report that the planting is done and almost all the mulching is done. And I can get really really dirty ....

Yeah that's a good 8 hours of 80+ degree hot, sweaty, dirty me! So gross Daughter came by and said, "Hey mom, clean up. And I don't mean the House. You're disgusting..." THANKS FOR NOTICING!

NO that's not razor burn, razor stubble or razor anything. It's a giant scratch from the new rosebushes. I don't remember getting it - my body looks like I was attacked by a CAT! My arms, my legs. cool. And that's dirt where a white sock and shoe once stood.

Now when I pull up to the house, there's a happy basket on my pole and flowers all around. And leetle tiny alyssum growing growing growing....

The boxes of wave petunias on the catwalk are starting to cascade after only 2 weeks! and there are 2 new rosebushes (but I didn't get a closeup and I don't have photoshop to draw funky arrows...). And mulch. and containers by the front door of (gasp) yellow (not pink!) petunias!

And finally, 3 flats of impatiens around the cherry tree in the back. plus pots and containers of flowers. And a freshly blown off patio free of debris, sticks, mud, etc. Love that blower. Just some mulching around this tree and I. Am. Done. Oh, then I get to start attacking the weeds, planting some grass seed, clipping the hedges, painting the iron furniture that's rusting....

But you know what? I DID IT MYSELF (daughter did help with some initial planting a couple weeks ago). And I love that. So Much. maybe next summer I'll be looking for help, but this year, it feels so tremendous to JUST. DO. IT. and not have to explain why or ask permission or any-thing...

No Hot Dog Buns?

A couple weeks ago, remote control took over, and I decided we'd have hot dogs for dinner on Sunday night. Ex grew up eating HDs and watching "Wonderful World of Disney" and instituted the same ritual in our house. Despite the fact that I hated hot dogs, I had to cook them. Ugh. Until I discovered skinless all beef hot dogs and cooked them with fried onions. So on this remote control night of recent vintage, I went off to the grocery store for my daily trip (see comments) to pick up some buns. But there aren't any. Anywhere. No off brands. No Expensive brands. No potato rolls for goodness sakes. WTH? No it wasn't Memorial day weekend. It wasn't even a particularly sunny, pleasant weekend. It was just a Sunday night. And there were no hot dog buns. In a great, big, chain grocery store. And I realize just how spoiled and demanding I can be when something as silly as missing hot dog buns gets my knickers in a twist....

Memory Monday

Casablanca again. Seeing it with my teenagers brought back the memory of the first time I saw Casablanca - and what I always think of when I see it. Or should I say who I always think of. Craig. It will always be our movie, even 25 years later. For one brief moment I am Ilsa, loved and yet let go for the greater good.

Craig was my "best friend." We met in 4th grade when he moved into the neighborhood. I kicked him all the way home from school... No I don't remember why. He was probably teasing me, craftily, as he did for most of our next 10 years. We did everything together, had every class together, hung out together in the summer, went to parties together. But we were just friends. He introduced me to Casablanca, yet I didn't get the message. He walked over to my house one night in a blizzard because I told him on the phone I was bored. And I didn't get it. He bent over backwards to cheer me up when I got crabby. And I didn't get it. He talked to me for months about this girl he wanted to ask to the Senior Prom but he wasn't sure if he should because they were friends. He wouldn't tell me her name, but he said I knew her. And I didn't get it. And I went with someone else to prom. Finally at graduation he filled a page in my yearbook with how much he always loved me. Wow. So we tried dating for a short while, but I loved him like a friend. Or maybe I had always loved him but I couldn't figure out what to do with this new twist to our relationship. College came, and I found someone new. We tried staying friends, until he married one of my high school friends who didn't like the fact that I was so tight with him. When she showed me the jewelry box he gave her for christmas that played "As time goes by" I didn't tell her that he had given me the same one a few months earlier.... I found out about the wedding when my mother sent me the newspaper clipping. I won't tell you it didn't hurt because it did.

For 20 years I've thought of him off and on at strange times. I have seen his wife and their 3 kids when I've gone home to visit, but strangely I have never run into him. Sometimes when I go home and go running, I run by his old house and wonder if his parents still live there. I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

I know we weren't meant to be, and I'm glad we'll always have "Paris" and Casablanca. Here's Looking at You, Kid.

I think I'm in Love

I am reverse-challenged. I have only had accidents in reverse. And I have had some incredible-reverse-accidents. I started small and gained momentum:

• backing into the mailbox and wiping out my sideview mirror: cost $75
• backing into a parked truck looking for my SIL's dog that I was puppysitting: cost $435 (plus dog vet bill that was hit by [another] car but survived $700)
• backing into a wrought iron bench and wiping out side panel and bumper: cost $1000
• backing into parents' car that was parked in my driveway: cost $4000+

Apparently, backing into things is a woman's favorite thing to do. (OK I'm sure men do it, too, but in my experience women do it more. Yes I am guilty of my very own stereo-typing that I complained of earlier. Sigh...) My friend backed into a parked truck at the end of my driveway -the truck was there when she pulled in, so it wasn't a surprise। My former boss backed into the pillar in the parking garage - where she parks every single day. Another female friend backed into the mailbox of a neighbor after picking up kids from a birthday party. My SIL ripped off her sideview mirror backing out of her garage. You get the idea...

NOW my (and females everywhere) problem: SOLVED!!! A car that has NO REVERSE. You just turn the passenger/driver part of the car around and whamo - you are now in forward again.

See here

I am truly and totally in love....

Greatest Quotes of All Time

Last night my Daughter and Son finally Saw CASABLANCA. They clearly didn't love it as much as I do, and I tried to get them to rewind and listen again to perhaps the greatest scene of all time, but alas they thought me bonkers:




And so I started thinking - IS this the greatest quote of all time? What else is out there? There's the classic Shakespeare sonnet:



And, of course, there's the overquoted Hamlet



BUT WAIT, there's "Cinderella story" -



I performed this soliloquy on the golf course years ago when Ex was supposed to be teaching me golf, but his version of "teaching" was EX: "just hit it" - ME: "which club?" HIM: "Pick one." So in my frustration, I started clowning around. Ex didn't find it funny and vowed never to play with me again. I laughed, then hired a golf pro...

And then every lawyer's favorite Movie - my cousin vinny.






Dare I admit how many times at work we have said, "The two Whuuaaat?"

So tell me, what's your favorite quote?? Vote on these or add your own!! Please!

Quick Post Friday

What I love about my relationship with my teens:

Texting exchange yesterday while on my way home from work approx time they should be home from school:

ME: R U Home?

Daughter: No im dealing drugs in dc ill b home in an hour

ME: ok get a good price

D: will do we all kno who rly feeds this family

ME: lol ;o

Later discussion with said Daughter:
ME: that was hilarious
D: yeah I figured I was either grounded for life or you'd get a kick out of it. Glad you laughed

PLEASE NOTE: We are a very strict and straightlaced family. I was not ever a druggie and my kids are pretty prudish and open about things. Which is why this was even funnier coming from my evangelist daughter....

Shared Words of Wisdom

I have a very dear, new Friend who has been patient, kind and loving in the last few months in a way I never knew existed nor dared imagine. Many of you know that although not "happy" to be divorced, I am happier having faced the reality that my marriage had become an unfixable mess. My kids know that I am happier. Get this - they are beginning to hold that against me, and Ex is playing it up. "poor dad" if I hear that one more time, I will do something dangerous... And I want to shout from the rooftops, "HE MADE THIS CHOICE!!! I AM NOT THE BAD GUY HERE!!" But of course, I cannot. I will not use my kids, and I will not fill their heads with bad stuff about their dad. But I cannot sit idly by and take more punishment nor continue to "live the lie." I lived that way for so long. And I have put me aside for too many years. I will not sacrifice another 2 or 3 or 5 years. An obvious solution is family counseling, but Ex put the kibosh on that immediately, and Kids will not go.

Anyway, after another bout of my own pity party last night, to which Friend was again invited, Friend sent me the following words of wisdom. I hope, if Friend reads this He is okay with the post. I didn't ask permission, and I removed personal comments interwoven. Friend has no idea he is so gifted in the way he sees things calmly, despite me telling him so.

"Herein lies the challenge; to stay centered in the thought of the highest level of love and peace that we can manage and to view each experience from that perspective. Then to create action from that perspective that will use the energy from within to maintain that balance....
All experiences are lessons that teach us how to improve our relationship with God within us. That's it, period. And as that relationship improves then the experiences on the outer are more manageable because we can stay centered more easily....every day, or minute we make a choice of how we see and act in the world ...... They [the kids] are wonderful and have fun because they choose to do so. Dad right now has chosen to feel sad and maybe that is OK for a while. . ... Inspire them to see that they choose every day how they will live and so does every one else on the planet. "

Can I have this tatooed on me so that I can keep it with me? OK maybe just a piece of paper in my pocket is a better idea...

I Can't Write Funnier than Real Life

This really happened. I kid you not.

Daughter had a flute recital recently. She's been playing only 4 years but has worked her way up to the top of the class. I am pathetically proud of her and could blog for hours just on her skills. But I won't - at least not yet.

She was with Ex that weekend, so he brought her. Meaning I get to just show up in the nick of time for the recital. It's at a small, modern church - same place every year. It only holds maybe 50 people, just 4 long pews of people with the participants up front in pews that are adjacent to the rest of us. So I walk in and there's a perfect seat next to Daughter's friend - the one I took shopping with Daughter the night before the recital so they could get dresses. Another hilarious post for later.

Anyway, Ex is hiding in the back, well down the row of the pew just to be sure I can't sit anywhere near him. Like I'd want to?

SO after the recital, during which Daughter played an 8 minute piece that was incredible - rocked my world - I went out to the foyer where they have refreshments. I had stopped to chat with the Teacher a minute and tell her "job well done," so everyone was already in the tiny foyer. Except Ex. No where to be found. But daughter was there. And it was a Sunday ("exchange day"), so I'm wondering, "Am I supposed to take her home?" I ask Daughter. She doesn't know.

I move a few feet toward the refreshment table to see if any of my brownies are there. The double doors to the church are open and swing up almost against the end of the refreshment table. And there. Behind the door. Hiding? Is Ex. As I approach the table, he scampers out from behind the door and makes a hasty retreat from the foyer. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. Hopefully Daughter did not notice.

I chatted with her for a bit, complementing her on her playing and how beautiful she looked in her new dress, chatting with Friend about same. Every once in a while Ex's head would pop in the room, he'd see I'm still there chatting with Daughter, and he would scamper away again.

I have no explanation. None. I don't carry kryptonite. At least, not that I know of.

Memory Monday

So I'm trying something new - "Memory Monday" will be a step back in time. A story from old. Maybe about Ex. Maybe not. For now, I'll start with:

HE HAD ME WHEN....I met him at a college conference. I watched him for most of the 4 days, then finally asked him to dance. After a long night of talking - and a few kisses (really that was all, and it took hours to get that much out of me) - we parted ways to go back home. I thought of him but didn't expect to hear from him any time soon. But within days a cute card with a puppy dog shows up with sentiments of how much he missed me already. A guy. Sending a Card. With a puppy dog. Admitting he missed me. I was a goner.


I SHOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS DOOMED WHEN...during the early years we worked in the same town. I thought it would be cute to meet him for lunch. So we met for a quickie (LUNCH you silly) at wendy's. He did not say Two. Civil. Words. during the entire lunch. He was crabby and sullen. I tried to get him to cheer up or at least be human. He said he couldn't break away in the middle of the day and be social - this was not his idea and he only went along with it to shut me up. The man was a financial anlyst, not a surgeon or a rocket scientist. He took a lunch break every day. Give. Me. A Break. We were newlyweds! We had lived apart during our entire 2 year "courtship!" Finally we were in the same zip code and he didn't have time for me! This was not the man I had dated! I laughed it off, and said I'd never meet him again for lunch. And I didn't!

Follow-Up to the Leveler

Follow-up to this post. OH Ex not only mocked my "below standard" leveler, he also challenged my son when he said, "No dad it's supposed to be in there at an angle" (when they were popping the bubbly piece back in that popped out WHEN THEY DROPPED IT). Ex said, "Why in the world would you need a bubble at that angle? Might try the next step up next time you buy a toool." Oh you are a tool pal.

GET THIS: Mr. Dishwasher installer man showed up yesterday (MY NEW BFF). And as he was finishing up and patiently showing me how the new dishwasher was level and the cabinets were slightly crooked - he whips out his kewl leveler - compact and shiny metal and magnetic so it sticks to the metal thingy your leveling - clearly a TOTL leveler. And IT HAS A THIRD BUBBLE! AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE!! SO vindicated. I asked him about it - and Mr. Patient and wonderful Dishwasher Installer explained that for steps or something at a 45 degree angle you'd need it - not something you'd need often, but handy to have.

SO THERE MR. VILA WANNABE. Oh and your cabinets are crooked....

Do We Really Need this Song?

Divorce stinks. Really it does. So do we really need a song to tell us how much it stinks? I mean, if you're in it, you know this feeling, so this song makes it pretty unbearable. If you're not in it, well, the song is just downright depressing so who wants to hear that anyway??

I admit, I listen to the first few strains. Then I start crying and turn it off. I doesn't matter that my kids only live 1/2 time next door. It is pretty....and I love Reba and Kenny Chesney. But c'mon guys. You're killing me here.

The Trouble With StereoTypes

I know we hear of the dangers of stereotypes quite frequently. Yet still many people find themselves guilty of profiling us all the same.

E.G. I am a lawyer. Therefore I am a dirty, rotten scoundrel. OK maybe not. But I am often prejudged as "boring" or "stiff." One of the industries I represent is full of "characters." Partiers. TV people. Crazy business people some in for a fast buck (some not all). They don't always appreciate the lawyers in tow. Yet how many times over the last year have I heard, "You're not the typical lawyer - you're FUN!"

OK so these people don't know me, and I'm not as offended. And hey, if they hire me b/c not only am I truly brilliant - well smart maybe anyway - but I am also a person to whom they can relate, then let the others be boring if FUN gets me clients.

But when your own "Friend" of 20+ years finds the gravitational alignment of the planet to be out of whack simply because you went to see a CURE concert, well, then I am amused in an almost-offended kind of way. At least somewhat taken aback that I am still pigeon-holed.

Cutting him slack, I am somewhat of a Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Buffett, Billy Joel, Pop Rock, Country girl addict. And he saw my CD collection (ok record collection) in college. But my iPod has as much "other" stuff as any of this. I love my kids' music, I love old rock, ("classic" I believe it's now called), I even like bits of Mettalica and Linkin Park, and yes, I do like the Cure.

And yet on the other side, he of all people should know to expect the unexpected with me. I wear pink nail polish and pink toe polish while I am crucifying you on the soccer field. I bake brownies for my daughter's flute recital after being out all night salsa dancing. I hire the yardwork done but plant the gardens myself. I draft Federal Circuit briefs and read Nora Roberts romance novels. I am blond, I am not dumb. I am a lawyer, I am not boring.
I am a mom, I am not emotionally numb or without my own life/friends.

So the next time you think you know me, don't be so sure....

Small confession: I did not want to go to the Cure. My friend bought tickets for his birthday and asked me to go with him. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but he is a good friend, and I said I would so I went. And after the first encore I wanted to go home. But I stuck it out through all the encores because hey, who is going to walk out on a 32 year old band (the band not the guys!) when they are still rocking at 1 a.m.??? So I didn't BUY the tickets or INITIATE the concert trip, but I Went and I Had FUN!

Finding Joy In Next Door

It's "his week" with the kids. Who happen to be next door. So when I came home with a truckload of flowers. Yes 6 or 7 flats. the kids actually volunteered to come over and help me plant. So when Ex came home from work, the kids and both dogs were over at my house, playing in the yard, planting flowers and having a good time. A nice perk.

The funny moment came when later I was grilling out by myself on my new weber grill I put together myself (Ok so I had a friend on the phone talking me through it - details...), suddenly Chessie is at my feet (that would be my dog). Seems Ex was walking his monster and chessie bolted. Tried to get Chessie to go to his house, but she refused. I walked her to the line (I'm not allowed on "his" property - I kid you not) and she just looked at me like, "Do I have to?" I called to him and told him I'd just keep her [dog travels weekly with kids, see below], but he refused, rather madly. She finally gave in, obedient dog that she is. I tried not to laugh out loud at the whole thing.

Today I am home again - both Daughter and I are still sick (apparently the goodness we felt while planting was but a fleeting reprieve in the eye of the nasty flu storm), and who shows up whining at my back door? No Not the Ex silly, my DOG. So she's here again. SOMEbody loves me!!!

A Query and the Latest Poll

IN my view, there are 4 kinds of people:

1) Some people always buy cheap cheap.

2) Some people need stuff and they'll buy whatever they can afford at the time they need said thingy.

3) Other people wait until they can buy the very best, no matter what it is no matter how long it takes.

4) Still others buy the very best they can afford of some things and punt on others.

I am a type 4. For example, killer shoes for that killer day in court or office meetings, shoes that will be worn again and again and need to feel good? TOTL (Top of the line) all the way. But shoes I might wear one-time-only to some silly party or for a costume? ON sale or not at all. Same goes in other categories. For my bedroom, a room I live in, it has nice furniture. But my guest bedroom? A comfortable bed is a must, but the accoutrements (dresser, nightstand) need not be solid mahogany. I would if I could, but I can't, so that's where I must save a little. And tools. I am no Bob Vila. I will never be Bob Vila. Any serious fixing-uping will not be done by me. But if I need a leveler** for hanging pictures (ok my son wanted it not me. I believe in the eye-to-thumb method), I buy name brand but um, middle of the road I think. But when it comes to the measuring tape, that was a stanley TOTL. I think you get my point.

But the Ex? Always TOTL, always. Made me crazy when we were married. There were times I just wanted something to put the TV on besides milk crates. OK so we really wanted the mahogany TV cabinet. But we kept moving and moving and didn't want it damaged and couldn't seem to afford it, so for 12 years we put it on milk crates or some table. Eventually we didn't have a TV but invested in a home theater. I have to tell you, for $200 (or less) I would've enjoyed a nice TV cabinet for 12 years, even if we eventually chucked it out....

Which leads me to the latest mocking/abuse that I hinted at below. Apparently they needed a leveler while installing the garage door opener. I happen to know that Ex has 3 or 4 levelers of various sizes and of highest quality (he cut the ads out and put them in an envelop for me to go Christmas shopping to make sure I got exactly the right one. A real ball of surprise-o-fun that one, yessireeee). Have I mentioned He Lives Next Door. While putting up the opener, they used Son's leveler. You know, the one for occasional picture hanging. It got dropped. The bubbly thingy popped out. I made the mistake of showing my face in the garage while they were cleaning up to compliment them on a fantastic job and to thank Ex for helping. He picked up the leveler and said, "Nice job on this. Next time you might try one step up." Hey, it wasn't the cheapest. And it was a stanley. And It probably levels pictures nicely. It might fit up a certain tight space on your body, too. (Did I type that out loud?)

So I'm curious, what kind of person are you?? Please take the poll!

** you can call it a level all you like. I will always call it a leveler. Because it levels things. And when the guys at work mocked me, I showed them an ad from a client selling one of those laser leveler thingys and in the original ads (done by a man) it was named a leveler. Go ahead. Debate me. C'mon DF Mr Bob Vila Jr. I know you want to....

What I Learned this Weekend

Much has happened over the weekend. Quick post:

• I am not too old to attend a 4 hour The Cure concert after flying cross country from a 3 day conference-from-hell (as in no sleep, too much "entertainment" and too much time away from home);
• I don't hate loud music and actually enjoyed The Cure;
• I didn't realize The Cure had so many hits;
• I can smile while the Ex belittles me about my tool choices in front of my son because my son has conned him into installing the garage door opener for me (thus saving me $120) and I am getting the way better end of the deal;
• I am mature enough to realize that I don't need a top-of-the-line level to hang pictures, a tool I will use a few times a year if at all, and being belittled for purchasing a middle of the road level is just funny;
• There comes a time when you stop letting the Ex fill your kids' ears with lies and very patiently tell them a few truths without belittling or mocking the Ex;
• Kids know when a parent is lying or being mean and will tell you;
• My son has become a man: without being asked he installed a new garage door opener (see above); fixed the drippy kitchen sink; bathed the dog; and brought his vomiting sister saltines and new downloaded music;
• mowing the grass is still fun even if you have to bag it;
• when you're bagging the grass you should empty the bag more than once per front yard;
• playing soccer in the pouring rain isn't fun - playing in the cold pouring rain is less fun but winning and scoring a hat trick in the pouring rain adds a little fun

Once Upon A Caulk

There once was a college girl who thought she knew a better way than toothpaste to fill in deep gauges made in the wall by the silly boys removing the couch from her basement townhouse. She discovered Caulk in her dad's garage. It said it filled holes. Sounded like a good idea....

Enter Brother who spent graduation day removing caulk and plastering/spackling wall.

Brother tells Girl's finacee about caulk. Begin Ban on Girl doing home improvements.

Exit Financee who had become Husband, renamed "Ex." Girl left to do home improvements on her own.

Girl grows up. Becomes lawyer. Learns about caulk during a case. Girls learns difference between acrylic, latex and silicone caulk. Learns about curing caulk and timing and removing old caulk. Watches videos. Does research.

One night taking bath in children's room, girl notices caulking job. Thinks to self, "Self, whoever did this caulking job obviously used acrylic. Note the shrinking and cracking. This calls for a new caulk job by The Girl Next Door with her newfound caulking knowledge."

BossMan (of Bob Vila caliber) warns, "Laying down a bead is harder than it looks."

Girl goes to Home Depot. Finds all the tools. Triumphantly goes home.....

And spends 2 hours laying down the perfect bead. Uses an entire (small) tube of caulk trying to get perfect bead. Makes the biggest mess anyone has ever seen. Fills the garbage can with mis-hits. White stuff everywhere. But Girl Next Door knows that once done well, this silicone stuff will last forever.

Yes an accomplishment. But now that I have proven I can do it if I have to, a cute boy with a tool belt would be hired in an instant....

Poll Results

So of the resounding 7 of you who voted - yeah so my blog's not setting the world on fire just yet - I am the only wacko who can live next door to her Ex. Although truth be told, if I had to take the poll and not actually do it, I probably would've said, "Maybe next year." OR Maybe, as Mrs. G says, I am the crazy one in my family. (HA We are ALL crazy!).

Hotness and other Misconceptions

Someone says, "OOOh she's hot." And You're thinking "20's. Gorgeous. No cottage cheese..uh I mean cellulite. No veiny legs. clear skin. Tiny waist. High cheek bones. Boobs."

Then someone says it to YOU. You that 40-something, cottage cheesy, veiny girl. (OK I have boobs - by the way, I know I owe you all a post on that. It's coming, I promise...)

Wait. 'Splain for me please. How can a chubby, old, veiny, mom of 15 year old twins be hot? (And no they didn't mean hot flashes).

Get this. Me. The geeky girl who tried all throughout high school to hide her geekiness. I was so cool. (HA) I wore wide whale courderoys in pink with a kelly green fair isle sweater, a turtle neck an oxford and a polo shirt (yes all at one time). Totally cool. Ok. Not.

I wore a pink minidress with black swiss dots. Very "Maniac." (Flashdance?) Cool. Um Not.

I was smokin at 110 pounds, silky running shorts, tank top...til I added izod sweatbands....not.

NOW 25 years later, I embrace my geekiness. I admit I love the law. I love to read. I have no fashion sense. I cannot fix my computer. I have trouble uploading YouTube videos. I-Am-A-Geek. And where does that land me? Smack dab in Hotness.

WHY? Because admitting I am a geek somehow makes me cool.

I swear I am not on drugs, and I've only had 1 glass of wine. I am not delusional. OK I am only minimally delusional. But my friends tell me that embracing my geekiness makes me hot. WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME THIS 25 YEARS AGO??

I Have No Friends - and other comments about my life as viewed from my teens

SO It appears I have no friends nor the ability to make friends. Curious. Tonight my son and I were discussing cars and boats and the various enjoyments of life. Ex kept the wakeboat, much to my pleasure quite frankly. Anyway, I said, "You know one of the quandaries of moving to Florida for me is will I live on the lake/fresh water and maybe have a ski boat or live on the ocean?" He said, rather incredulously, 'WHY would YOU have a boat?!" I answered rather indignantly, "To enjoy - to ski, to play." HIM: "WHEN would you use it?" Me - Du-H, "WHEN you come home and other times." HIM: "It will just sit there." ME: REALLY INDIGNANTLY: "UM NO, I will use it all the time." HIM: (total disbelief) "How dumb you'll just drive it around by yourself?!" ME: What if I have Friends. HIM: LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY: "Yeah, you, friends, that's funny."

Moment of truth. Do I tell him just how many friends I already have in Florida? Or do I drop it.

1....2....3....4....5 (counting for patience and guidance here)

Item dropped. Let the egocentric teenager live in his bubble world of self importance another day. Right bud, I will sit in my kitchen, stuffing my face with old lady food, looking longingly at my boat and wishing my son were home so that I would have a reason to enjoy life.

Uh-huh.